Bladdered!

That scouse hippie came over at the weekend. Randy or Roddy or whatever his name is. Anyway, he arrived with a supply of strong drink for the humans to consume. This only added to the strong drink that Ange and the lummox had already purchased. To put it bluntly they weren't short of the stuff. Naturally they then spent Saturday night pouring it down their necks until they were all thoroughly inebriated. The lummox was virtually insensible by the end of the night and it was frankly atrocious and embarrassing to see. And Ange ought to know better than that too. She should remain vigilant to my needs at all times. How can she feed me when she's off her head on plonk? I blame the hippie. He turns up out of the blue and before you know it my servants are arseholed. Unacceptable or what?

As you would expect they were all subdued and fragile the next day. The pair of them didn't get out of the bed until half ten which, as you know, isn't allowed. And the hippie lay on the couch until then, snoring at both ends. Honestly it was hard to tell which end was making the most noise. And then they cooked and ate sausages like a bunch of gannets and didn't save any for me. I was pretty disgusted at their gluttonous greed let me tell you. Later in the day the hippie attempted to stroke me, obviously in a vain attempt to curry my favour. It didn't work and I did my level best to ignore them all until he had gone home. I took pity on Ange about 7pm and made a big fuss of her because she had made a bit more of an effort to keep me in the manner to which I am accustomed but I gave the lummox the cold shoulder as all he had done all day was to sit on his vast arse and drink coffee. Worse than useless at times that one is.

They both then decided that they needed an early night. And I let them gentle reader. I let them sleep some more. What a caring and magnificent cat I am. They'll probably do it all again at some point over Christmas and then spend the next day feeling sorry for themselves once more. Well I won't feel sorry for them. I shall treat their behaviour with the contempt it deserves until such times they are in a fit state to care for me properly.

PPP x