Wo-manhandled!!!

The outrage!!! The indignity!!! The assault on my personage!!! I've never been so f****ing livid in my life. I have been treated abominably and it shall not go unforgotten. Let me explain...

The humans have been busying themselves all week making preparations for us all to move back to my boat. All well and good I hear you say. But here's the problem. They had it in mind to move back on board on the Saturday afternoon but I didn't want to. I had plans for the evening as it happened and in any case, I thought to myself 'it's my boat, we'll move on when I'm ready and in due course. So I curled myself up on the bed and let them get on with packing for when that time should come. Imagine then my shock and surprise when the lummox came and lifted me off the bed. His gnarled, hairy great mitts seized me and before I knew what was going on I was carried into the front room. He did his best to be gentle which must have been difficult for such a ham-fisted ape of a man like him and he is prone to picking me up from time to time to marvel at my fur (understandable) and so I decided not to claw his beady eyes out on this occasion. In fact it wasn't until he got me into the front room that I realised what his underhanded intention really was. The pet carrier was on the table with the door open!!!

Oh he though he was being so clever trying to get me in there whilst cooing at me thinking that I was daft enough to allow such whimsy to work on me. Well, let me tell you this - I resisted the berk for all I was worth. I dug my claws into the table top and held on. Time and time again he tried to cajole me in but again and again I stood my ground. 'Who does he think he bloody well is?' I asked myself. Then to make matters worse Ange joined in and I had the pair of them trying to shoehorn me into that basket. And still I refused to yield. Then they tried a different tack. Ange picked me up and carried me outside. I thought she was going to do the decent thing and let me go so that I could go and simmer down as I was feeling pretty irate by this time. But no! Do you know what she did? She carried me into the car! THE CAR!!! I was incensed by now and I climbed all over the dashboard and steering wheel trying to find my way out again but to no avail. Then out of the rear window I saw Becky approaching with that monstrous great labrador in tow. Could things get any worse?

Fortunately by this time I think the humans had given up. They knew better than to carry on with their hopeless attempts to basket me and I was allowed out of the car. I stormed off in a magnificent huff with my tail rigidly in the air. The winner!

So that was Saturday. I eventually calmed down and after a while went back to bed until the evening when I had, as I have mentioned, plans. But then worse was to come. On Monday they brought in reinforcements in the form of Becky. And this is where the real indignity comes. The buggers locked my catflap so I couldn't get out and then Becky crept up behind me gripped me by the scruff of my beautiful neck, put her other hand on my lovely bottom and whilst I was still reeling from her temerity bundled me into the basket and locked the door. They had me trapped and I meowed my opinion on the matter as loud as I could. My cries fell on deaf ears and within a matter of seconds I was in the car again and we were off. And that was the last time I ever saw my caravan.

I meowed and I cried and I shat the basket for all I was worth but they just carried on. Ange did her best to placate me with soothing words but on this occasion her best simply wasn't good enough. The journey took about fifteen minutes and soon the door was opened again and I was released. I looked around. I was back, back on my boat. I stomped into the bedroom and ignored those two for the best part of an hour. Eventually though I came out, had something to eat and re-familiarised myself with the old place. And do you know what, it was good to be back. Lummoxy had lit a fire (something he actually is quite good at) and the place was cosy. But damn it all, at the end of the day I am Pixie Poo Poo and I won't be handled in such a way. It's going to take a lot of Dreamies, Salmon, Chicken etc etc to put this one right let me tell you. And as for that Becky, she just might find a dead mouse in her slipper come February. Watch this space...

PPP x