If there's one thing the lummox can do properly (and it is only the one thing) it's lighting a fire and keeping my boat warm. And due to the recent cool weather we've already had a couple of fires of an evening. And I love it gentle reader. I absolutely love laying in front of the stove and feeling the heat radiate over my gorgeous, silken fur. But then all of us cats love that kind of thing, let's face it. Who wouldn't? And I'm looking forward to many more over the coming months of Autumn and Winter. Especially seeing that the portly one will be home at ten o'clock every day and will have to light one then so that I can get out of bed and still be cosy and toasty. It'll be grand. I just hope he manages to keep a goodly supply of wood and coal in. I haven't seen him wield axe nor chainsaw in a long time. But then he's probably past it now and will have to buy it in. If that's the case I suggest you get some overtime in then my flabby friend as I insist on being kept warm and you will rue the day that we run out of combustible fuel let me tell you.
PPP x
Tuesday, 26 September 2017
Thursday, 21 September 2017
A Slim Chance
The lummox is going on a diet and cutting down on the booze. Hold on a minute while I have a bloody good laugh...
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, HAH!
...that's better.
I mean, honestly, can you see old dribbling porky loins losing weight and getting healthy? No, neither can I. Apparently he feels goaded into action due to a recent visit to the doctor. He has high blood pressure and is generally in a poor physical condition. He's probably plagued with cholesterol as well which I'm sure will be revealed by the blood test he's due to have. Well, you can't say I haven't warned you all about this. What with the man being such a fat and sedentary article it was bound to happen wasn't it?
So now he's out buying salad and vegetables and vowing to rid himself of fried food, pasties, dairy products and ale. Huh! I'll believe that when I see it. I just can't imagine him going for more than a few days without swilling Irish stout down his gluttonous throat like it's going out of fashion. And it's only a brief matter of time before he's gorging himself on food that is taken away from it's place of preparation and eaten at home. Lose wait!?! A slim chance indeed!
PPP x
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, HAH!
...that's better.
I mean, honestly, can you see old dribbling porky loins losing weight and getting healthy? No, neither can I. Apparently he feels goaded into action due to a recent visit to the doctor. He has high blood pressure and is generally in a poor physical condition. He's probably plagued with cholesterol as well which I'm sure will be revealed by the blood test he's due to have. Well, you can't say I haven't warned you all about this. What with the man being such a fat and sedentary article it was bound to happen wasn't it?
So now he's out buying salad and vegetables and vowing to rid himself of fried food, pasties, dairy products and ale. Huh! I'll believe that when I see it. I just can't imagine him going for more than a few days without swilling Irish stout down his gluttonous throat like it's going out of fashion. And it's only a brief matter of time before he's gorging himself on food that is taken away from it's place of preparation and eaten at home. Lose wait!?! A slim chance indeed!
PPP x
Wednesday, 13 September 2017
A Question Of Age - Part 2
Well, what a response I've had to this subject - when is a cat a senior?. And many thanks to all who emailed me with their thoughts on the matter. Here's a brief selection from the old electronic mail bag:
"I'm with you on this one Pixie. Keep up the good work"
Pickles, Norwich
"There's no such thing as senior cats. We're all in purr-fect condition"
Cupcake, Croydon
"You're right as usual Pix. Power to your paw!"
Tabby, Weston-Super-Mare
"As a cat of some 18 years I would class myself as senior but only in a way that means I'm a very wise cat. I can still put the mice in their place and claw the furniture to shreds when the mood takes me."
Smokey, Kettering
"Up yours humans!"
Sooky, Chepstow
"Who cares what humans think? We run this world. They're just glorified servants."
Fluffykins, Merthyr Tydfil
"I'd like to think that I'll reach a ripe old age and still put away the odd tin of tuna."
Rolo, Portsmouth
"You're only as old as the cat that you feel."
Poshpaws, Bodmin
"Human beings can shove it up their arses as far as I'm concerned!!! Love the blog by the way."
Snuggles, Mansfield
Wow, seems that I've really stirred up a real hornets nest with this one. Take my advice, don't give the humans the satisfaction of thinking you're senior. We know what we are. We are cats and proud of it. Once again many, many thanks to all who emailed me. Your support and enthusiasm for The Pixie Report is gratefully received. Thank you.
PPP x
"I'm with you on this one Pixie. Keep up the good work"
Pickles, Norwich
"There's no such thing as senior cats. We're all in purr-fect condition"
Cupcake, Croydon
"You're right as usual Pix. Power to your paw!"
Tabby, Weston-Super-Mare
"As a cat of some 18 years I would class myself as senior but only in a way that means I'm a very wise cat. I can still put the mice in their place and claw the furniture to shreds when the mood takes me."
Smokey, Kettering
"Up yours humans!"
Sooky, Chepstow
"Who cares what humans think? We run this world. They're just glorified servants."
Fluffykins, Merthyr Tydfil
"I'd like to think that I'll reach a ripe old age and still put away the odd tin of tuna."
Rolo, Portsmouth
"You're only as old as the cat that you feel."
Poshpaws, Bodmin
"Human beings can shove it up their arses as far as I'm concerned!!! Love the blog by the way."
Snuggles, Mansfield
Wow, seems that I've really stirred up a real hornets nest with this one. Take my advice, don't give the humans the satisfaction of thinking you're senior. We know what we are. We are cats and proud of it. Once again many, many thanks to all who emailed me. Your support and enthusiasm for The Pixie Report is gratefully received. Thank you.
PPP x
Tuesday, 5 September 2017
A Question Of Age
I have been affronted gentle reader. Yet again the humans have sought to upset me and injure my pride. How? I hear you ask. Simple! They've started buying me "senior" cat food. Senior!!! Me!!! I couldn't believe it, I really couldn't.
For a short while now I have been playing the old 'turn my nose up' game at the food I've been laughingly presented with. Some of it absolute tosh I have to say. Co-op shite and Aldi muck! Nuts to that, I want, demand and deserve the finer things in life. So the lummox was duly dispatched to Asda to see what else he could rustle up. Surely, I thought, surely even he can get it right from such a wide and varied selection. Well, he turned up with Gourmet Mon Petit (which I do actually like) and some Go-Cat biscuits (which are also quite choice) but then he blew it by pulling a packet of senior cat food out of his tatty little shopping bag. I stared at him for a few moments believing it to be some kind of practical joke and thinking that he would then produce a tin of salmon or some honey roast ham but no. The fat lout then opened the bloody senior stuff and put it in my bowl. Now, in all honesty I have to say that it actually smelled really nice and I was tempted enough to try it. And it was good, I did quite enjoy it despite the obvious insult towards me of suggesting that I am a senior cat.
Senior! I ask you! Bloody senior. I'm not a senior. I'm in the prime of my life. I have the figure and athleticism of a cat half my age. Why, you should see me leaping onto the roof of my boat and sprinting along my mooring like a cheetah. I mean, for crying out loud I'm only 10 (well, next month) and that's hardly any age for a cat these days. However, according to the packet of this food that he bought senior counts as 7+. Ee gad, that's barely out of kittenhood! 7+! Bloody hell! I was just getting my wind up at 7. And now that makes us all seniors!?! What an affront to all cats everywhere who are at that age. Humans really don't know bugger all do they? What berk decided that age 7 was when cats become senior? What twat sat and worked out that it's all downhill from there for us pussies? It's a disgrace, gentle reader, nothing short of a disgrace and I think it's time something was done to rectify this farcical fallacy.
However, it does beg the question - at what age are cats senior? I'd like to hear your furry thoughts on the matter and you can do so by emailing me at treblepcat@gmail.com or by using the comments form below. Maybe then we can stick it to the humans and get some well earned respect around here.
PPP x
For a short while now I have been playing the old 'turn my nose up' game at the food I've been laughingly presented with. Some of it absolute tosh I have to say. Co-op shite and Aldi muck! Nuts to that, I want, demand and deserve the finer things in life. So the lummox was duly dispatched to Asda to see what else he could rustle up. Surely, I thought, surely even he can get it right from such a wide and varied selection. Well, he turned up with Gourmet Mon Petit (which I do actually like) and some Go-Cat biscuits (which are also quite choice) but then he blew it by pulling a packet of senior cat food out of his tatty little shopping bag. I stared at him for a few moments believing it to be some kind of practical joke and thinking that he would then produce a tin of salmon or some honey roast ham but no. The fat lout then opened the bloody senior stuff and put it in my bowl. Now, in all honesty I have to say that it actually smelled really nice and I was tempted enough to try it. And it was good, I did quite enjoy it despite the obvious insult towards me of suggesting that I am a senior cat.
Senior! I ask you! Bloody senior. I'm not a senior. I'm in the prime of my life. I have the figure and athleticism of a cat half my age. Why, you should see me leaping onto the roof of my boat and sprinting along my mooring like a cheetah. I mean, for crying out loud I'm only 10 (well, next month) and that's hardly any age for a cat these days. However, according to the packet of this food that he bought senior counts as 7+. Ee gad, that's barely out of kittenhood! 7+! Bloody hell! I was just getting my wind up at 7. And now that makes us all seniors!?! What an affront to all cats everywhere who are at that age. Humans really don't know bugger all do they? What berk decided that age 7 was when cats become senior? What twat sat and worked out that it's all downhill from there for us pussies? It's a disgrace, gentle reader, nothing short of a disgrace and I think it's time something was done to rectify this farcical fallacy.
However, it does beg the question - at what age are cats senior? I'd like to hear your furry thoughts on the matter and you can do so by emailing me at treblepcat@gmail.com or by using the comments form below. Maybe then we can stick it to the humans and get some well earned respect around here.
PPP x
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