Meow-sical Chairs

Oh I'm having such fun at the moment gentle reader. And I'm driving the lummox to distraction with it too, which is a bonus. On wet days, when I'm bored and can't sleep, I watch what the lummox is doing or rather, where he is sitting. He doesn't know I'm watching of course, being such a dullard, but I am. He'll either be sat at his laptop attempting to convince himself that he's a writer (pfft!) or sitting on his fat arse reading some archaic old Edwardian literature that no-one gives a hoot about anymore or listening to that God-awful twiddly-diddly-dee progressive rock that he insists on playing and I watch and bide my time. I know that before too much longer either his gluttonous appetite or his weak, over-soused bladder is going to make him get up in order to gratify himself. And the moment he does I'm in there like a shot. I steal his chair from right under his bulbous, bloody great nose. Yes, I lie there on the chair he's just vacated with a contented countenance, knowing that there's not a single damn thing he's going to do about it (scared you see) and look on as he sadly retires to another chair, groaning and moaning like an aged orangutan with a hernia. Then, and this is the best bit, I give it ten minutes before getting up and going upstairs to lie on the bed for a few hours, ignoring his cries of 'Oh Pixie!'. You may say this is cruel to do something like this to a dumb animal but let's not forget that this is the man who has thwarted so many of my attempts at mousing, purchased unbelievably shite cat food for me and filled my house with methane gas to the point where I don't think we'll ever clear the effluvium no matter how many windows Ange opens or how many incense sticks she lights. So I say 'balls to it, let's have some fun at his expense!' And it is, so very, very much, fun!

PPP x