Dogs Allowed

Despite having the dog here and knackering up my life for a month I have found a great new dog related pastime. We're currently moored up right next to the Five Rise Cafe which I've always enjoyed but it's only now that I can see one of the great benefits from being here...

In a word - dogs!

Yes gentle reader dogs. You see the cafe owner (for reasons best known to himself) allows dogs into his premises. The sign says 'well behaved dogs' so that rules Noel out and now I come to think about it I'm not sure that that sign is in fact an oxymoron. There are no well behaved dogs as far as I now. Anyway, the fun starts when the dogs come to the cafe. I simply go up on the roof and parade up and down and genreally enjoy the fresh air. This sends the dogs into barking mode, especially the ones whose owners have elected to sit outside the cafe. However, because I'm on the roof and they're legally required to be on leads they can't touch me and I can take the piss until I'm bored with it all and go back in. It's great fun and it really winds them up. I love listening to their owners telling them to be quiet and looking embarrassed as their hounds make fools of themselves. It makes up for having that lout of a labrador on board.

Actually, it's quite a nice day and the cafe is still open for another hour or so. I might just go up and have a bit of fun. Who would have thought that dogs could be such a great source of merriment?

PPP x

On The Move

Without so much as even consulting me the humans have moved my boat. I was just getting used to this Gallows Bridge place and now I find myself transported up the canal. We've stopped for the night at Dowley Gap, my old stomping ground and do you know what, I might just go for a stomp this evening. It's all well and good going cruising and I quite like chasing rodents in new and interesting locations but as I have said in the past - it's my boat and we'll go when I decide! But hey ho! Here we are. Tomorrow we're going to go up to the top of Five Rise Locks which should be nice I suppose. I've always liked it up there and I once had a bit of a thing with a certain cat who lived in the area. I won't mention his name and when I say I had a thing what I mean was that he relentlessly pursued me in the vain hope of romance between us. He was ok but it'll take more than a bit of billing and cooing to get around Pixie Poo Poo. Good job my big brother wasn't around or he'd have had some explaining to do!

I'm not sure how long we're going to be out and about for but Five Rise should be fun. It would be even more fun if that great berk of a gun dog wasn't here and of course I've got the humans to thank for that haven't I? Still, it's the weekend soon and I might just go and have a good night out for myself. I'm certain that the humans will have a good night in and do their level best to get alcoholic poisoning. You really ought to see the lummox and Jason going for it with the vino. Honestly, I can hardly move my paws for empty bottles. And I suppose being in a new location like Five Rise will give them another excuse for more of the same. Still, we'll see how it goes being out and about.

PPP x

A Month Of Dog

Well, I knew it was coming and it has gentle reader. It's that time of the year again, February, when the caravan park is closed for a month and everybody has to move out. Last year the humans rented a cottage for me in Haworth which was nice and I even let them stay there as well. The trouble was that Becky and Erin came too with that Labrador of theirs. It went ok in the end as we all know who is in charge around here and things went relatively smoothly. This time though Ange and the lummox have gone and invited them all (Becky's boyfriend Jason included) to come and stay for the month on my boat. I don't mind Erin and Jason seems like a nice enough fellow but Becky is still in my bad books for the way she roughed me up the other week and as for the dog, well, where do I start...

He's been here for three days and he's already got right on my wick. For one thing he barks. And when I say barks I mean BARKS!!! Honestly, whenever anyone walks past the boat either on the mooring or on the towpath he starts. And what a thundering great git he makes of himself. Jumping around on the furniture and baying at the windows like some demented pillock. What an awful bloody noise he makes. The humans tell him to be quiet but he's either barking too loud to hear them or he's too dense to understand such basic commands. Seriously, he's making a complete tit of himself.

Another thing he does is to get all excited and stupid whenever I enter the room. He seems to be labouring under the misapprehension that I would want to play his boorish, silly games with him and chase around the boat. I'm a cat for crying out loud, that's not what we do. I really find it quite tiresome and very, very irritating. So I've taken to spending most of my time in the bedroom to avoid him at all costs. I think that's for the best. Ange brings my food into me and I've got the bed to lie on and the window to look through and so I can just stay in there and let him get on with it. The barking still grates on my nerves though.

So I've got to put up with this for another twenty five days until he goes home and let me tell you I can't wait. I have to get my exercise at night time now just to avoid him. Apparently he's called Noel. Well at least I think he is. The humans say that word to him a lot. But then they also say STOP! QUIET! SHUSH! and GET DOWN! quite a lot at him as well so it could be any one of those. Dogs! Huh! March can't come soon enough.


PPP x

Settling In

Well it's been the best part of a week now gentle reader and I'm settling in quite nicely. I still haven't fully forgotten nor forgiven the way I was roughly handled to get me down here and it's going to take some time before I'm over that one let me tell you. But other than that I'm doing well. I have re-commandeered the bed and use it whenever I damn well please. In fact, I'd forgotten just how comfy it was. It's a good bit higher than the one at my caravan and therefore requires more agility on my behalf but that's not really a problem for a cat of my prowess. I've been back up on the roof a few times and have been enjoying teasing dogs on the other side of the towpath from there. The mooring is nothing to shout about and so far I haven't seen a single mouse although there are a couple of gobshite squirrels that seem to think they own the place. I shall sort them out in due course. What there also is though is quite a few other boats for me to clamber on and explore and I've given one or two of them a good going over already. They're not as good as my boat though of course.

Ange and the lummox are keeping the place warm (as they should) and I have had a good many tasty treats coming my way too. That's obviously an attempt to curry favour with me after what happened last Monday but I'm enjoying it none-the-less. The worst thing about it all really is that there is no mains electricity and so the engine has to be run every other day which of course disturbs my sleep during the the hours of daylight. Added to this there's the other annoyance of the alarm clock they've gone and bought. Every weekday morning at precisely five o'clock its beep beep beep bloody beep. Wakes me up with a start it does. At least that horrible noise signals that I'm about to have the bed all to myself though.

There are a couple of new features that have been added to my boat in my absence as well. Firstly there is a new wheelhouse with two very sexy looking catflaps which are befitting of a cat of my stature and social standing. I'm enjoying them immensely. Also there is a side hatch where there used to be a window. Apparently the humans put it there as an other means of escape in case of fire which is total bollocks in my opinion. They've sneaked it in so that they can feed the ducks and spend valuable time oohing and aahing at them. I'll tell you one thing my friends, in my eyes it's not for the ducks, it's for me. I shall be using it as an alternative means of entering and exiting the boat purely for my own amusement. Ergo - my boat, my side hatch! Not a lot else has changed though since I last saw the old place.

Overall, it's good to be back. Pixie Poo Poo is master of the canal boat Walrus yet again. And when I say master I mean it. Do you know what the lummox got given for a birthday present last year? A hat with the word 'captain' on it. Captain my arse! He couldn't captain a rubber ring in the swimming baths. Oafish great numpty that he is. There's only one captain on this boat and she's small, black, furry and gorgeous. I'll leave you to work that one out.

See you soon


PPP x

Wo-manhandled!!!

The outrage!!! The indignity!!! The assault on my personage!!! I've never been so f****ing livid in my life. I have been treated abominably and it shall not go unforgotten. Let me explain...

The humans have been busying themselves all week making preparations for us all to move back to my boat. All well and good I hear you say. But here's the problem. They had it in mind to move back on board on the Saturday afternoon but I didn't want to. I had plans for the evening as it happened and in any case, I thought to myself 'it's my boat, we'll move on when I'm ready and in due course. So I curled myself up on the bed and let them get on with packing for when that time should come. Imagine then my shock and surprise when the lummox came and lifted me off the bed. His gnarled, hairy great mitts seized me and before I knew what was going on I was carried into the front room. He did his best to be gentle which must have been difficult for such a ham-fisted ape of a man like him and he is prone to picking me up from time to time to marvel at my fur (understandable) and so I decided not to claw his beady eyes out on this occasion. In fact it wasn't until he got me into the front room that I realised what his underhanded intention really was. The pet carrier was on the table with the door open!!!

Oh he though he was being so clever trying to get me in there whilst cooing at me thinking that I was daft enough to allow such whimsy to work on me. Well, let me tell you this - I resisted the berk for all I was worth. I dug my claws into the table top and held on. Time and time again he tried to cajole me in but again and again I stood my ground. 'Who does he think he bloody well is?' I asked myself. Then to make matters worse Ange joined in and I had the pair of them trying to shoehorn me into that basket. And still I refused to yield. Then they tried a different tack. Ange picked me up and carried me outside. I thought she was going to do the decent thing and let me go so that I could go and simmer down as I was feeling pretty irate by this time. But no! Do you know what she did? She carried me into the car! THE CAR!!! I was incensed by now and I climbed all over the dashboard and steering wheel trying to find my way out again but to no avail. Then out of the rear window I saw Becky approaching with that monstrous great labrador in tow. Could things get any worse?

Fortunately by this time I think the humans had given up. They knew better than to carry on with their hopeless attempts to basket me and I was allowed out of the car. I stormed off in a magnificent huff with my tail rigidly in the air. The winner!

So that was Saturday. I eventually calmed down and after a while went back to bed until the evening when I had, as I have mentioned, plans. But then worse was to come. On Monday they brought in reinforcements in the form of Becky. And this is where the real indignity comes. The buggers locked my catflap so I couldn't get out and then Becky crept up behind me gripped me by the scruff of my beautiful neck, put her other hand on my lovely bottom and whilst I was still reeling from her temerity bundled me into the basket and locked the door. They had me trapped and I meowed my opinion on the matter as loud as I could. My cries fell on deaf ears and within a matter of seconds I was in the car again and we were off. And that was the last time I ever saw my caravan.

I meowed and I cried and I shat the basket for all I was worth but they just carried on. Ange did her best to placate me with soothing words but on this occasion her best simply wasn't good enough. The journey took about fifteen minutes and soon the door was opened again and I was released. I looked around. I was back, back on my boat. I stomped into the bedroom and ignored those two for the best part of an hour. Eventually though I came out, had something to eat and re-familiarised myself with the old place. And do you know what, it was good to be back. Lummoxy had lit a fire (something he actually is quite good at) and the place was cosy. But damn it all, at the end of the day I am Pixie Poo Poo and I won't be handled in such a way. It's going to take a lot of Dreamies, Salmon, Chicken etc etc to put this one right let me tell you. And as for that Becky, she just might find a dead mouse in her slipper come February. Watch this space...

PPP x

My Boat - An Update

It seems that things have progressed well vis-a-vis my boat being brought back to Shipley. Ange and the lummox with Becky, Erin and Jason have got it there to the new mooring and all is well. I understand there were one or two problems involved along the way but seeing as how I stayed at the caravan and slept all weekend then that was no concern of mine. In fact, if anything I had the harder time of it being without servants for two days. Apparently there was some problems with the locks and something about a tree in the canal. Yawn! Just bloody well get on with it I say and stop making out it was some great adventure. Humans! Have to to turn everything into a drama.

I'm not sure when I will move back onto my boat. That will of course be my decision and not the humans. After all, I'm quite content where I am for now. We'll see, we'll see. I'm also led to believe that the boat itself performed admirably and that it is in fine shape and ready for me to grace again with my person. I'm also of no doubt that whilst cruising my boat to it's new mooring that they emptied numerous bottles of beer, wine and spirits and behaved in a deplorable manner during the hours of darkness. It's what they do.

So watch this space gentle reader and I'll let you know when I'm back on board and ruler of the canal again. I mean this place is alright; warm and comfy etc, but my boat has more space and I'm the kind of cat who likes to stretch out when I'm relaxing after a hard day. But like I say, when I'm good and ready.

PPP x

Working Class Lummox

Well first of all may I start with a big Happy New Year to all my feline followers and to any humans who are reading this - up yours! The new year has started really well for me. The lummox has begun his new job and that means that the two of them are out of bed a lot earlier than before so it's win-win for me. He started on Tuesday and got himself into yet another state of near mania beforehand as he had singularly failed to ascertain what time he was meant to start. What a shambles he is! He was up at ten to six on the first day making numerous phone calls to his new employer trying to find out what to do. The buffoon! Lack of forward planning my fat friend, lack of forward planning. Anyway, the fact remains that he got to work and that now the alarm goes off at five o'clock each weekday morning signalling that the bed is all mine. Ange usually gets up first whilst fatso lies in bed for an extra five or ten minutes, blowing off. Typical of the man I suppose. They're out of the caravan by about quarter to six and then it's all peace, quiet and slumber for me.

The lummox has been issued with a uniform of sorts consisting of black trousers, T shirt and fleece and steel toe capped boots. And with his hair in that ponytail that he now insists on wearing he looks like a cross between Action Man and some kind of flabby night club doorman. Apparently he spends his time (a paltry three hours a day) emptying bins at the university. I always knew he 'd go up in the world! The good thing is though that he gets paid on the 28th of each month so guess who is going to be lining up for a tin of salmon (Pacific red) that day. Yep! Yours truly. And by thunder there had better be one. Come to think of it, with the pair of them now in gainful employment there really shouldn't be any shortage of the stuff should there?

He comes bumbling back home at about ten o'clock and this is where things take a nosedive gentle reader. He feels so tired at having got up early and done a piffling bit of work that he feels the need to get back into bed for a few hours. Out-bloody-rageous!!! He comes sneaking back into the bedroom and crawls into the bed wherever he can get in. Of course being such a good natured soul I let this pass for the first few days but I soon grew tired of his snoring and tossing and turning at that hour and decided to take measures to prevent it. I now sleep as close to the very middle of the bed as I can which means he can't get in without disturbing me, something that he is (rightfully) mortally afraid of. And it worked! He's now taken to napping on the couch, so once again my ingenuity shines through. I overheard him telling Ange that he hopes that this need to sleep will pass soon and that he'll be used to the early start etc etc. Well, I don't know about that. So long as I don't get disturbed anymore and so long as his wages are spent in the right direction (mine!) then I suppose it will be all well and good.

PPP x