Claws For Thought

It's imperative for all cats to keep their claws in tip top condition. Our claws are our tools of the trade. We simply cannot do without them. Claws are so useful for rodent capture, flea removal, having a good scratch, clawing humans who get overly familiar and slashing at the noses of dogs who get too close. And any other general mauling requirements that we have. So you see how absolutely vital it is that our claws remain strong and sharp at all times. Why, only the other day I was forced to set about the lummox who got on my nerves with his constant tummy tickling. There  comes a point when enough is enough and I was left with no choice other than to rake his hand for all I was worth. I should point out at this stage that it was my tummy being tickled, not his. I mean, really, can you imagine that? Sitting there on his lumpen great arse, tickling his own beach ball of a tummy. It doesn't bear thinking about. Anyway, he was tickling mine, it all got too much and I lacerated his hand for him.

So you see just how vital it is for a cat like me to maintain claw perfection.

And we do so by sharpening them on something.

So why is it then that I find myself being constantly berated for sharpening my claws on the side of the couch? Where else am I supposed to do it for crying out loud? It's the ideal spot, It's upright, padded and covered in a heavy cloth material. It's positively custom made for the job. But oh no, as soon as I start sharpening my pristine claws one of them will tell me off. I ignore it of course as you would expect which is fine but it shouldn't be happening at all. It's only a couch at the end of the day. An old couch, not some priceless Victorian armchair. Although that wouldn't really make any difference to me. I'd still use it. The point is that I need to sharpen and that couch provides the perfect means of doing it.

Many humans will buy their cat overlords a thing called a scratching post. Basically an upright log with some string tightly wrapped up and down the length of it, usually accompanied with some paltry toy attached to yet more string. The cat is then expected to use this for sharpening their claws. And that's all well and good, they work I suppose. But here's the problem, they cost good money. A small fortune is often spent on even a basic model and some of the more elaborate ones with hidey holes and platforms etc (the sort that I would and should have myself if I actually wanted one) can come to an enormous amount of money. That money could be far better used buying necessities such as tins of salmon, packets of ham, chicken, Dreamies, corned beef, battered fish and all the other delicious things that I get my pair to buy for me.

So here's a Pixie top tip to all my feline fans. If your human buys you a scratching post, then just don't use it. They will have to take it back to the store or Ebay it and then you can get that money spent on treats. Use a couch instead or if you haven't got a suitable couch then any other piece of furniture that takes your fancy. You know it makes sense.

PPP x