Naughty But Nice

The humans keep calling me naughty and I don't know how much longer I can stand for it. I really don't know who the hell they think they're talking to! To have the bare faced temerity to call me naughty in my own caravan is a bit much. They tell me I'm naughty for all sorts of reasons. I stay in bed too long in their eyes ergo I'm naughty. I won't eat some of the utter shash they try to pass off as food so I'm naughty. I claw their hands when they tickle my tummy therefore I'm naughty. And so on and so forth. I can't put a paw out of place these days without being called naughty.

On Monday the lummox had another job interview and spent Sunday afternoon preparing for it. He wrote some notes down and kept revising them. Then before you know it I'm being called naughty again. And why? I'll tell you why. Because I put wet paw prints on his poxy notes which blurred some of his writing. How in God's name can I be blamed for that? The oaf left his notes on the table for one thing and they both know how much I like going on there. And it had rained heavily earlier that day and I can't be held responsible for that now can I? If my gorgeous pads get wet that's just the luck of the draw.

Besides which I don't know what he's got to complain about. His writing looks like a spider fell into a glass of rum and then staggered across the page leaving a trail of its own feces behind. My lovely paw prints actually improved the look of it. So take that lummox and shut your fat face. And that Ange, honestly you'd think she'd done something amazing by putting out a bit of cat food for me. It looked and smelled dreadful so I didn't eat it and she called me naughty. Anyone in their right mind could see that all it needed was some ham or chicken and I would have been purring like a road drill. But instead she puts some pile of garbage in my bowl and then calls me names because I refuse to soil my lips with it. What on earth is the matter with these people?

Like I say, it's my caravan and I'll behave how I want. At the moment I'm really enjoying sitting on the table and if he's so stupid as to leave things on it that he may want later then more fool him. And if she thinks I'm going to eat any old muck just to please her then she can think again. I'm not naughty at all. I'm just doing what a cat's gotta do. Actually, between you and me gentle reader, I rather enjoyed laying down tracks on his notes. Naughty, but nice. Tee hee!

PPP x